How did we meet?
That's a long story!
It started in the summer of 1995 when Ericka came to visit her best friend/sister Wanangwa. Wanagwa and I were in school together and we became close friends. During the summer we would hang out during the week while our moms were at work. Ericka came to visit Wanangwa during the summer. I remember Wanangwa telling me that her best friend/sister was coming to visit. When I got to Wanangwa's house that morning they were ready to head to Wanangwa's horse back riding lesson. Back in the day you could ride in the back of a station wagon and that's where Wanangwa and Ericka were riding. Wanangwa asked if I wanted to ride in the back with them, being kinda shy and not knowing who this strange girl was I said no and sat in the front with Lorna. Wanangwa and Ericka were cutting up in the back and I just thought they were a little strange.
I remember this day. Wanangwa had been talking about this boy that she had been hanging out with during the day and how excited she was to introduce me to him. She and I have always been very close and as I am not a shy person she knew that I would have no trouble meeting someone new. Looking back, I'm sure that Matthew did think us more than a little strange. Until Wanangwa's move we had spent several days a week together every day of our lives so have always been a bit loud together.
While Wanangwa was doing her riding lesson Ericka and I started chatting mostly about what we saw during the riding lesson. By the time she was done with her riding lesson, Ericka and I were talking freely about different things. I ended up riding back with them in the back of station wagon. We became good friends over the time she was visiting.
I remember how quiet he was that first day. I know now that I could be a bit much in those days and Matthew didn't let that phase him. Even back then we could talk about all kinds of things.
Ericka came to visit Wanangwa most every summer and Ericka and I got to know each other better and better. I remember one summer Ericka came over to my house to visit and we went for a walk, then another day my parents took us to Tweetsie Railroad. We had a blast. Sadly we can't remember the year we did that. Ericka went to high school at Heritage Academy and she told me about the school. During her Freshman and Sophomore year she started writing me letters and after one particular letter that she wrote me I realized that she liked me a lot. At this point in my life I had no interest in dating girls and I told her so in a letter that I was not interested in her nor anyone else. I'm too young. I was about 17 at that point. After finishing 10th grade doing home school online I decided that I wanted to go to Heritage Academy. At this point, because I had told her I was not interested she started dating someone at Heritage. We were in school together for a little over a semester then she left. I was fine with all of that cause I had no interest in her. I did however think that the guy she was dating was not her type, but who was I to tell her that.
I remember Tweetsie and we had a blast that day. I had recently gotten a SLR camera for my birthday and was excited to use it. I have found one picture from that day but there's no date on the back. I also remember liking him back then. Every time I saw him I'm sure I talked about Heritage. I remember writing to both him and Wanangwa back then but don't remember writing anything that would give him the idea that I liked him, but he's always been very perceptive. Evidently I wrote one specific letter that left no doubt of my feelings. I was happy that he chose to come to Heritage but by then I had already been dating the other guy for 8 months and since he had made it clear how he felt, I had moved on.
Over the years we kept in contact with each other whether it was at alumni weekend at Heritage or her calling me with computer problems. Sometimes when she would come see Wanangwa and I would come down to visit too. Every time we were together we would pick up conversation as if time had not gone by.
We've always had that ability. We would spend a few minutes catching up and then move on to other topics as if it had been last week that we last talked instead of months or years going by.
In November 2017 I started dating a girl and moved to MI where she lived so that I could be with her and get to know her. We dated off and on for over a year when she finally told me we would never work. I was heart broken. I didn't like MI, but had a decent job. I only had a few friends and my ex started dating one of those friends so I didn't have him to hang out with anymore. While I was still dating, Wanangwa told me that Ericka's marriage was not going well, so I started praying for her. I came home for Christmas and took Ericka and her kids snow tubing cause I knew that they needed a distraction. They had a blast. Later, Lorna told me that Ericka's divorce had been finalized. She knew that the girl I was dating had just broken up with me so she said "I don't mean to be a match maker, but you and Ericka would be good together." When I heard that I decided that I would not talk to Ericka because I didn't want to be in another relationship with someone that was divorced and had kids. I had already been through that with the last girl and didn't want to do it again. So I didn't contact her for a few weeks. I kept feeling impressed that I needed to reach out to Ericka and give her encouragement. So I sent her a text. I figured out when she didn't have the kids which I knew would be when she would be lonely and down. Every other week I would text her and see how she was doing.
I knew that he had moved to MI for a girl, but didn't know much more than that as I was in the middle of my own break up by that point. Wanangwa had kept me kinda in the loop but I was dealing with enough of my own problems that I didn't pay a whole lot of attention to the details. That first text came in and I was very surprised. I hadn't heard from him since Wanangwa's wedding back in 2016. When those texts kept coming on a regular basis I was so very thankful for someone who intentionally kept checking in on me. I was really struggling at this point with everything and the weekends that I didn't have my kids were especially rough for me. As was usual for our friendship, I could always be real with him. I never had to hide how I was really feeling, how I was really doing, or how the whole situation stank as a whole. I had Wanangwa, Amy, and Shadelle but I often felt like I was a burden by bothering them when I was struggling. Matthew kept checking in on me. At first it was just a how are you doing text on the Friday nights that I didn't have the kids. That soon became one on Sabbath afternoons of those same weekends as well as usually one on Sunday.
As time went by we started texting more and then started talking on the phone. I had taken a week off work in August 2019 to go see my parents. With it being a 10 hour drive from MI to NC I knew I would need someone to talk to. So I asked Ericka if she would talk to me to keep me awake. She said yes as she didn't have the kids. I ended up leaving MI about 4pm which was way later than I wanted to. That put me at getting to NC about 3am. I talked to her a little then got a call from my mom, then a call from Lorna and maybe a call from Wanangwa. Each were calling to help keep me awake. After talking to each of them for a while I called Ericka about 10pm. We talked until I got home at about 3am. I was so glad to have someone willing to help keep me awake. While home that week I decided that I needed to quite my job in MI and move back home to NC which is where I wanted to be anyway. I didn't like MI at all.
What started as an every other week series of texts became a weekly Happy Sabbath text to me as well. And then an occasional text during the week when I didn't have the kids, checking in on me then as well. Overall I had been doing pretty well for months. I was learning to use my support system a little better and then summer break hit and I really started struggling again. I have learned that this healing process is a bit cyclic. I was sitting on the couch, really struggling, probably feeling sorry for myself and crying yet unwilling to reach out to Amy or Wanangwa or Shadelle when his usual Sabbath afternoon text came through. I had gone to church and had no one to do anything with in the afternoon and for those that know me well, I do not do things by myself very well. I answered honestly. I admitted to sitting on the couch crying. Less than a minute later, his name came up on my caller ID. I was so shocked that I almost didn't answer the phone. I also didn't want to bother him with my sorry self. Thankfully I did answer the phone and also honestly answered his questions. He didn't try to fix how I was feeling. He didn't diminish my feelings. He sat with me albeit 4 states away and walked me through the quagmire that I found myself in until I was calm again and able to face the rest of my day. We talked several more times that summer, never for more than 20-30 minutes. When he asked for help to stay awake, I was like "Sure!" I wondered if we would run out of things to talk about, talking for that long. I needn't have worried. As is usual, we talked about all kinds of things and never ran out of things to talk about.
I turned in my two week notice. I went back to MI to finish my last two weeks and to pack up. Ericka talked to me most of the way back up to MI. We continued to talk more and more. When I made my last trip back to NC to move, Ericka stayed on the phone with me till I got home which was again about 3am. We never ran out of things to talk about and we talked about anything and everything. We had both talked about the fact that neither of us would probably ever find someone. I had said I didn't want to date someone that was divorced and had kids. I was over it. I had tried it once and it was not much fun. In my mind we were just friends that were being there for each other.
We talked off and on the entire last few weeks he was in MI. His trip back to NC he hardly talked to anyone else except a couple calls from his mom checking on his progress. Multiple times I had said that I was sure I would never go looking for anyone else. I had 3 children to raise and the thought of bringing someone new into their lives was not something that I was willing to do. Parenting is hard enough to do but adding in the uncertainty of dating to that was not something I was willing to put them through. Not only that I was certain that it would take someone incredibly special to be willing to take on a divorced mom and her 3 kids. Looking was the furthest thing from my mind. I was just putting myself back together. I wasn't ready. I was thankful for someone that would let me tell the honest truth about how I was thinking or parenting or anything.
Around November I started planning my birthday party with my friends. I got to thinking that Ericka and the kids needed to get away and get a new view on life so I invited them to come for my birthday. When I asked her what she was doing that weekend she said nothing really let me see if we can come. They came. We had a blast with my friends. She said that they had not laughed that much in years.
That weekend was so much fun and such a needed break! We all needed to learn to really laugh again. I laughed so hard that I had tears in my eyes on numerous occasions. My boys were full on rolling they were laughing so hard. And it wasn't just for a couple minutes, it was for almost an hour! It was such a blast! The whole weekend was such a huge moment in my healing that I didn't even realize we needed.
Ericka had posted on Facebook about a cave in Knoxville that had Christmas lights. I was like we should go, she said ok. So the weekend after my birthday I took Wanangwa and Ronnie to visit Ericka and to surprise the kids. We had another great weekend. I decided that I would go back for a visit on New Years since I knew I had that time off work. We had another great weekend and around that time the thought came into my mind that I might be starting to have feelings for Ericka. I started praying even more about it because I did not want another relationship with someone that was divorced and had kids. The more I prayed about it the more I felt God pushing me toward her.
When I posted that post on Facebook I was simply promoting a local business that looked like they had a unique product to offer us. I was not hinting at anyone! When he said, we should go, I was like really?? Matthew was like sure! We had surprised Wanangwa, Lorna and Ronnie the weekend before and this weekend was the boys' turn. They had no idea that we had company coming! This weekend had a couple of crucial pieces to our puzzle on it as well. First off, I had never had a guy, friend or otherwise, who was willing to cook with me let alone one who was capable. On top of that he wouldn't let me stay in the kitchen and clean up by myself. I was floored. Second, he treated my kids with respect yet made them mind me. The boys know that I demand they treat the adults around them with respect and I'd grown used to having to do that all on my own. Third, I developed a head ache for some reason and he was the first person to realize this. I hadn't said anything to anyone and was trying really hard to act normal. He saw right through the act and figured it out. When he said that he'd like to come back for New Year's I was like ok. Wasn't sure why he was willing to give up his New Year's with friends and family to come spend it with me and the kids but I wasn't going to complain. I had been doing a lot of praying over the last few months and had been telling God that I just didn't see myself looking for someone but also didn't feel that I was cut out to remain single for the rest of my life. I had told God that if He had someone for me that He would have to put them in my lap and make it painfully apparent that they were the one. Christmas Day came and I was given the opportunity to spend it with the kids at their Dad and Stepmom's house which was a huge blessing. I had a good day but all day felt like a piece was missing. It hit me late in the afternoon that the piece was Matthew. All I wanted was to connect with him with more than the couple texts we'd sent over the day. I left before the movie and called Matthew. When I heard his voice it was like a huge piece of the puzzle fell in to place. But... I was not at all certain as to whether I was ready for this nor that my kids would be ok with me liking him. Therein came a lot of prayer. I had been talking with Amy along the way about this whole thing but had not had an opportunity to talk with Wanangwa. I wanted her opinion on the matter as she'd known him longer than I had known him. We had a lovely time over New Years and I watched the kids with him closely. I was never going to bring someone into their lives that didn't one, treat them good and two, wasn't liked by them. I continued to pray about it after he went back to NC and talk about it with Amy and finally had a conversation with Wanangwa. Her words were along the lines, "He would never invest this much time in you if he didn't have some kind of feelings beyond friendship." I hoped and prayed and hoped some more.
Over the next month I found that we were talking every night on the phone for at least an hour if not two. I'm like ok God if this is what you want then make it clear. One thing that was kind of a sign to me was that when I got to Ericka's for New Years it was raining lightly and I made the comment that it was too bad it was raining cause the temp was great for going for a walk. Ericka was like it's not raining hard we could walk anyway, so we went for a hike to a lake. I thought it was awesome that she would be fine with going for a walk in the rain because I love walks in the rain. It meant a lot to me. Over the month of January I just kept seeing signs that He wanted us together. One of my dreams is to have a Tiny House. I have been working on plans for years. So I was like if Ericka is willing to live in a Tiny House then she must be the one. I'm thinking she has 3 kids and her parents, she won't want that. So I asked her if she would live in a Tiny House, Her answer was yes.
His comment about the rain was almost hopeful and I was like why not! It's not pouring and it's really warm, especially for December! One of my dreams has always been a small cabin in the mountains. Ever since my fibromyalgia diagnosis that dream has been something that I wanted badly but didn't know how to make it happen. Even though I'm currently managed well I know that may not stay the same. Which was another huge piece. He has never been phased by the fact that I have chronic illnesses. He has challenged me to not see them as a detriment but as something that can be dealt with and managed. I wasn't sure at all how in the world we would figure out how to fit us all in a small house but that is something that I was willing to figure out together.
Some time in January after he came for New Years, my oldest and one of his friends, Daniel, figured out that I liked Matthew. I have always given Daniel a hard time and he has always given it back to me. He and Nathaniel decided that I was Ms. Maricka. Matthew and Ericka combined. When I told Matthew about it, he laughed. He had figured out by this point that I did like him and shortly after telling Matthew about the nickname, we had a conversation about where we saw this going. I told him, I want to build on the friendship that we have and hopefully work towards something permanent.
So on Valentines weekend I came to visit and I asked her to be my girlfriend. She accepted and we started a new chapter in our lives. One that I thought would never happen again. As I mentioned above we had gone for a walk in the rain and now that we were dating we kept looking for a rainy day that we could go for a walk in. It took us a while to finally have a day that it was raining and the temp was decent. We headed out and walked the same trail that we had back in December in the rain. We stood out on the dock and talked and enjoyed the rain and each others company. As we were about to head back, I said, you might think I'm crazy, but we are already wet, we should run through the lake. Ericka's response was Ok, we are wet let's do it so we ran though the lake. Had so much fun that we did it again. The second time through Ericka found a dip in the lake and fell in. She then kinda tackled me and I fell in too. Water means a lot to us as you will be able to see from our engagement photos. We talked about our future and when things might happen that we would get married. We decided that it really couldn't happen for at least a year and that we would just have to do long distance dating. We then started seeing each other almost every other weekend either I would go see her or she would come see me. Sometime in late March or early April this random thought came to my mind, why not get married now. I'm like, no, that's a crazy idea, Ericka would not want to do that. So I dismissed the idea. A few days later Ericka is like, I got a random message from Amy asking if there was a reason we couldn't get married now and just do the long distance thing married instead of dating. We were already at each others house every weekend and lots of people have good marriages with a spouse working from a distance. I'll let Ericka tell her side of the story on that.
Let's back up to just over two weeks before Valentines when I get a cryptic picture with a countdown clock that was just in hours, minutes and seconds. When I did the math it landed the Wednesday after Valentines. I knew that he would be working that day which meant that I was missing something. I went back to the picture and figured out that I had missed the date at the top which put it taken on the Sabbath before. I redid the math and realized that he was coming Valentines. That was the first time that he made me speechless (there have been several others), which is not an easy task. When we talked that night I downplayed my excitement but inside I was jumping up and down as I knew that if he was coming Valentines weekend what that meant. Water has definitely become a thing for us. Amy and I talk often and I had expressed our plan to do this long distance dating and then get married next year. Amy kept asking me questions and then proposed the idea that we should just do this married instead of dating. I was like he will never go for that and how in the world would that work anyway. She was like, you know all the advantages of being married over dating and if this is where you are headed anyway then why not do it sooner rather than later. Why not get married now and just do this distance married instead of dating? I really had to do some thinking and praying about it as it was so far outside of the box that I was sure that he would never go with it let alone if it was something I wanted. The more I prayed the more sure I was that I could definitely do this. I was very reluctant to approach him about it but Amy continued to challenge me about telling him. I finally did and when he said that he had already had the same idea I was shocked.
The idea kept coming up in conversation and I got the sense that she was ready to move on. So while she was in NC visiting for a couple of weeks I proposed on a date. Thanks to our friend Amy who figured out what Ericka would like for an engagement gift, I bought her a Fitbit watch. I enlisted the help from one of our friends to take pictures of the proposal and we went on a date to see the sunset. Then people started asking when the wedding would be so we started looking at dates and found that the best date would be May 22 as that is when I would have a long weekend with the holiday. That was just over a month away. Some people have thought that we are moving too fast, but to us, we are not moving too fast. We started out being friends 25 years ago and had been talking for about a year and a half. We know who each other is, what each other likes and doesn't like and we have the same values, we think alike and have not had a disagreement about anything. In my previous relationship there were disagreements all the time. We know that someday we will have a disagreement, maybe, but one of our biggest things going for us is that we communicate about everything, we don't keep things from each other, (other then me keeping a secret about the proposal) which I had to keep from her so it would be a surprise, one that I knew she would like. So no, it's not too fast. If we were to wait it would be sometime towards the end of the summer that we could get married and there are activities that we want to do with the kids that would make things much easier to do if we were married. No, being married and being long distance is not ideal and will be a struggle at times, but we do communicate and we will be together pretty much every weekend and every other week for the most part. We are thankful for technology and the ability to do video chat, so we will make it. And we know that God has led in every step of the way and He will continue to do so as long as we keep Him at the center of our marriage.
I was ready to move on. I had discovered who I wanted to spend forever with and did not want to wait any longer. Amy kept asking me questions about how I would want things to go down as far as proposal and then she, unbeknownst to me, approached Matthew with the information that I had given her. He nailed every piece of the things that were important to me for the proposal. Many people have asked from so many angles if this is too fast. With the question being when not if we get married and the amount of time we've been talking it makes so much sense to get married sooner rather than later. Yes being distant from each other will be challenging at times. Yes we would both like to be closer to each other once we get married. Our relationship started out distant and won't stay distant. Communication is such an integral part of our relationship that it will make this marriage at a distance a bit easier. God has led us in such amazingly obvious ways that I know that He will lead us as we move forward as long as we cling to Him.
I have always wanted a very simple casual wedding and Ericka was very much in agreement with me as she had had her fancy wedding already and didn't really care. We wanted a low to no stress wedding and didn't want to spend much on the wedding and we have managed to do so.
I wanted a no stress wedding but wanted this to be everything that he wanted it to be. I was willing to do whatever kind of wedding he wanted. When he said that his idea of a great wedding would be jeans and plaid, I was ecstatic!
So begins a new chaper in our lives!